It’s the eternal question, the one that comes before all others, superseding appropriate responses, the desires of the questioner and even greetings whenever it needs to be uttered: “Where are your pants, though?”
As much as we need the answer to that question anytime that anyone is trouser-less outside of the appropriate contexts (in order: alone in the house, in the bedroom if other people are around, at the beach, END OF LIST), we won’t find it in this crazy fight video from a restaurant in Washington DC’s Chinatown.
The video starts in media res, with both women already scrapping and pantless. The establishment looks a lot more sit-down than takeaway, adding to the confusion about why it would be the sight of a pantless brawl.
As with all interactions between two women who have been moved to the point of fighting, neither woman seems to care if they hurt themselves or anyone else as long as they can get a few shots in at each other. The mysteriously bare-bottomed fighters are chucking glasses across the restaurant at one another and the furniture has already flown. Chairs and cutlery are scattered throughout the restaurant but the women haven’t tired, flinging whatever they can find at each other in an attempt to somehow when a situation where you’re ass out in the middle of a dining establishment.
Take the L and find some Levi’s, we say, but unfortunately, we weren’t there.
So Many Questions
If we were we might be able to figure out the logic behind the pants coming off before the jacket. What’s the thought process that leads you to lose your jeans before your letterman? They know that Take Off Your Pants and Jacket was a pun and not instructions to be followed, right?
And how are they both so slick? Does that mean they’ve been pantsless for long enough to accumulate all that? We’ll probably never know.
As for the actual fight, there’s not much to report. Were it not for the sheer pantslessness of the contestants, it would probably be less notable than the all-Maxi dress beatdown that’s occurring in the background of this entire video.
The pair of full-moon fighters lunge at each other a few times, tripping over chairs they’ve already thrown to achieve maximum slapstick. The fight comes to a close with both women pulling each other’s hair while sitting criss-cross applesauce on the floor. We do have to admire No Jacket’s commitment, though. Even after Letterman has clearly stopped fighting, she gets a couple hard swats to the side of her head in. In spite of the fully clothed voice of reason telling them both to stop, we don’t get much resolution. Almost all of our questions, including who won, remain forever unanswered.
Mostly this fight leaves up looking like the cameraman at the end of the video, slightly confused and maybe a little hungry.
See The Fight
Check out the video up top. What do you think? What’s your best theory regarding the pants situation? Does anyone win a fight where they’re already half-naked? Is “not having pants” a solid reason to back away from a fight? How common are pantless fights in this restaurant that the onlookers look mostly unconcerned? Sound off with your ideas in the comments and don’t forget to SHARE this article.